I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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