I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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