we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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