what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
