If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
