i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
