Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
