waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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