Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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