I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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