I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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