I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
