Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
