Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
