I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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