I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You're like the curious george of whores
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
