Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
