you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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