It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
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I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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