k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
