this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
