I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
