I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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