I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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