put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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