I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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