Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
