too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
