Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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