How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
