dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i think my cat just said my name.
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