Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
