I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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