so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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