Yo dont text me then not text me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
