why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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