What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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