I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
