if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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