I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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