i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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