Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
