in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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