Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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