My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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