Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
