Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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