i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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