u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This baby is an asshole
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
