Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
