yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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