Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
