The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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