I'm eating all of the evidence.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
