Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
