I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
