Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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