I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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