I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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