Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
