It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
