I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
