He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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