Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
