One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
