Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
