peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
