Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
