so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
