But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You are a genius and a whore.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
