I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
should my penis look like a turkey
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
